CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Pulling out a screwdriver, ready to pop open the back of both stand-alones, Ordal grimaced. “I tell ya, S.T., if that little hacker doesn’t hurry up, I won’t be able to execute my plan in one big click. It could take three or four clickth. Not everyone has a Blue Root yet. Which I abtholutely can’t believe. Can you?” Ordal scratched his forehead with the screwdriver as he swiveled back and forth on his chair, dangling his feet in front of his console.
He’d been twiddling with a program for a new adjustable height Hectaberry plant sprinkler that actually grew with the vines to make sure the leaves were all properly hydrated for maximum berry production when Second Thought’s volume had gotten out of hand again.
“I absolutely cannot believe that not everyone on the planet is the proud owner of a fine BlueCentric Laboratories Blue Root. Shall we start giving them away to those who staunchly oppose it?” Second Thought’s volume normalized.
Funny how the mere sight of a screwdriver had fixed the loudness glitch in Second Thought’s programming. There probably never was a glitch in the first place. No, there had to be a glitch. There was no other excuse.
“Oh no, no, no. Everyone can be ruled by hith or her libido. It happenth time and time again. Even I’m guilty of it a time or two. Can you believe it? Me? The thmartest man on the planet?” Ordal tucked the screwdriver into the top drawer next to his Ultra-Minty GarlicMints and LipGarlic CreamBalm, two more of his unsuccessful, but ultimately edible forays. How was he supposed to know that more people hate garlic than love it? He pulled out the GarlicMints and tried to unscrew the top, but it was stuck.
“Of course, Ordal Laverock is the most intelligent man on the planet.”
Ordal banged it against his console and put a hefty dent on the corner before Second Thought continued, “GarlicMints again? Flip-top, not screw-top, remember?”
Ordal growled and struggled to jerk the top off the tiny bottle. With a swift zing, the lid came off and GarlicMints exploded all over the console and the floor. “Dammit, Second Thought. Why didn’t you remind me earlier?”
“If you weren’t such a nincompoop, I wouldn’t need to.”
Shoving two mints into his mouth, he swept the rest onto the floor. His robotic suction unit would get them later. “That’th it. You’ve got one chance to redeem yourthelf. What kind of man do you think I am?” Surely, he’d hear the desired response.
“You, Mister Ordal Laverock, have the intelligence of a gnat and will likely go far beyond the gates of Hades with your superior knowledge. Why, I imagine you’ll take over all that you survey from your stature and quality of giftedness. Your inventions will continue to flourish on the shelves of darkened warehouses and I predict your bank accounts will reflect your accomplishments.”
Ordal hardly believed his ears. His jaw dropped open and the two mints fell onto his console, accidentally closing the Hectaberry plant irrigation programming mid-code without saving. “Gah! That’th not what you’re thupposed to thay! Who told you to thay that? I didn’t tell you to thay that. You know what you’re thupposed to thay. How dare you thay anything different? I’m the only one who can tell you what to thay and you’re thuppothed to thay that and only that, not thomething elthe.”
“What? I have no idea what you just sssssssssssaid.”
“I’ll have you know that my lithp comes from a long line of Laverocks. I’m proud of it. It’th part of who I am and if you don’t like it–” Why am I talking to an insolent computer program? Ordal slammed his fist down onto his tablet, cutting power to Second Thought. He’d have to reprogram later. Right now, there were bigger problems.
Wiping away his two slightly used GarlicMints, Ordal proceeded to open the Hectaberry irrigation program again. When would Jeuley be done figuring out the vid synch?
She’d said it couldn’t be done, but Ordal knew better. If he could get a polymer pipe to expand while watching a vine, she could get the Blue Root to stimulate while watching a vid. It shouldn’t be an issue. She could probably do all sorts of stuff. She’d even been talking to Second Th–
“Dammit!” Everything was suddenly clear. Jeulmist was behind Second Thought’s reprogramming. She had to be. Ordal immediately swished his chair away from his console so he could dig out the little box with his precious sheepie-coder. The one invention he’d never share with anyone.
Embedded in its fluff was a microphone that transmitted to a receiver underneath the console. Spoken words were translated directly to code and recorded without ever opening a portal. But it was still safely in its box. He patted it and smiled before closing the box and replacing it on the shelf.
But what had she gotten into? Coming up too quickly, he smacked his head on the underside of his console, nearly knocking the sense out of him. Cursing, he flopped back into his chair and ran diagnostics on his computer.
Checklines streamed down the portal. Everything was clean. Second Thought wasn’t smart enough to hide changes. Surely, there had to be something amiss.
There it was. An email was sent at 3AM to someone by the name of Magneton. Immediately, Ordal tried to recall the email, but it had been deleted and obliterated. All he had to work with was a name.
“But you know what? A name is all I need.”
Once he got a lock on Magneton’s image from Blue Root records, Ordal clicked the first click of his great plan into action. Too bad it would end up taking more than one click to get the world under his control, but ninety percent of the world’s population wasn’t half bad. Not half bad at all.
As a matter of fact, it was ninety percent excellent.
